I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
