Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
