I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
