I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
