remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
