I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We left the knife in your bed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
