He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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