It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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