hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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