I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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