if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
