Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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