had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
