whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
