My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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