but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They have beer where we have blood.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
