Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize