Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
