she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
should my penis look like a turkey
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize