god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
