I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
