Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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