I bet he comes in French.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
