remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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