I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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