If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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