So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The air was thick with penises
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
