I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
