margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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