Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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