At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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