Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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