so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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