shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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