just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
