Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize