i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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