Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
