I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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