He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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