Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
