the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
