my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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