That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
