I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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