At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
