Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
