FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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