Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
