Yo dont text me then not text me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
