im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
