took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
