In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
