god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
