I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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