my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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