Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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