he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize