Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
