i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
