ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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