yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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