Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
