Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
