i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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