If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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