I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
