I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
