Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
