how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
