Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
