You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
